The Art of Lingering — and Why It’s Essential
Nonchaloir (Repose) by John Singer Sargent, 2011
There was a point in art history when European artists began to paint everyday life. In the 19th and 20th centuries, this birthed a genre of portraits that showed people lingering, couples lounging…a celebration of the mundane.
One of my favorites, pictured at the top of this post, is Nonchaloir (Repose) by John Singer Sargent, painted in 1911. I think of this as the ultimate lingering. The vagueness of the woman’s emotional state alludes to one aspect of lingering: being neutral in wakeful rest.
This is not a state that we see reflected in our societies today. We live in times that are consumed by massive data exchange, collection of information, and input/output of sensory stimulation. It’s a skill to learn how to sort through all the information that is coming in through the doorway of the senses. When I watch CNN these days, I find myself trying so hard to focus on looking at just one part of the screen! It is so challenging—a news ticket runs at the bottom at such a speed I feel I am never fast enough to catch what it’s saying. Running down the right side of the screen is yet another set of data points to digest. No wonder it is exhausting to watch the news!
For the last few years, I have enjoyed the writings and teachings of Pico Iyer. I deeply appreciate this statement from his 2014 book, The Art of Stillness.
“We’ve lost our Sundays, our weekends, our nights off—our holy days, as some would have it; our bosses, junk mailers, our parents can find us wherever we are, at any time of day or night. More and more of us feel like emergency-room physicians, permanently on call, required to heal ourselves but unable to find the prescription for all the clutter on our desk.”
People often ask me, “How do you do it, Maryam? Managing all you are doing?” My response is always that I make time for my self-care. To be more specific, I make time to linger.
I believe this started in art school, where I was taught to look at objects. My drawing teacher said, “Try not to name it, Maryam—assume you know nothing about it. Invite your curious nature. Draw with this mindset, and this will set you free.”
Years later, in my study of the mind, I came across a concept that neuroscientists call the Default Mode Network (DMN). In the 1930s, the DMN was first introduced to the world, and it has taken almost 90 years to fully understand it. It is a network within the brain structure that comprises the medial prefrontal cortex, posterior cingulate cortex, and inferior parietal lobule. Now we recognize how vital this network is and the role it plays in wakeful rest and when we are in a state of flow. The DMN is essential for sleep, rest, processing our life, and cultivating compassion and empathy. However, we don’t want it to be overactive. When we’re under the DMN’s influence, too much of it can become a bad thing. It can cause us to ruminate excessively and get caught up in pointless analysis and painful memories.
Meditation has been proven to be effective in lowering excessive DMN activity. (Check out this study for more information.) In meditation, the mind is not wandering, and the inner critic isn’t actively assessing or judging. Meditation is an inner experience of flow; imagine an inner state that is peaceful, in which you remain in a wakeful, restful state. Now, I know it can be challenging to check in when we may not enjoy being with ourselves. This is when it becomes even more vital to develop the skill to sit with ourselves and develop the ability to be non-judgmental even for just a few minutes.
This is the skill that I call the art of lingering.
I believe this is an important first step prior to meditation or contemplative practices. In an article by Arno Slabbinck, he speaks to how essential it is to quiet the voice of the inner critic and find ways to tap into our “flow.”
Here is a simple but effective practice I recommend to begin to quiet the inner critic and access wakeful rest before you step into meditation.
You can be seated in a chair on the floor. It’s best to be upright and not reclined for this practice.
Roll your shoulders, relax your jaw, and check your body for areas of tension. Release any tension you can.
Let your eyes turn down and focus on taking 5 deliberate breath. Inhale, experiencing expansion. Take a gentle pause. Exhale, experiencing release. Take another gentle pause.
Breathe naturally, not needing to manage your breath in any way.
Invite your eyes to look around
Notice if you are starting to make judgmental statement: This is messy, I like this, I don’t like that…I think you get the point.
Soften the voice of your inner critic and notice if you can begin to simple observe.
Stay in observation for 1–3 minutes.
You may find you can start to peacefully process an experience from your day and problem-solve in this state. Feel free to do so after you have allowed yourself to linger for 1–3 minutes.
This specific lingering practice is done with your sense of sight. However, you can choose to close your eyes and observe with your ears, or even observe with your skin, one of our largest sensory organs.
Let’s get back “online” so that we can process and be fully present to our lives. Consider lingering as a stepping stone toward experiencing your natural, peaceful, wakeful, restful state.