Chiseling and Revealing the Essence: My Journey of Writing Care of the Whole Self
Finally, my book, Care of the Whole Self: Yoga-Inspired Practices for Befriending the Self, has launched! It traveled through the Grand Canyon and made its way into the Badlands, arriving in the dense forests of Appalachia to emerge in the clear waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Well…at least what the journey felt like to me!
I have always harbored a deep trust in how things emerge. I never get angry that truth wasn’t revealed to me earlier. I never hold on to or have internal dialogues with myself centered around “if only this happened earlier…” I have something that can only be summed up in a Sanskrit word, sraddha, which you will find in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. (Here’s a great video by Manorama that explains this word and includes the proper pronunciation.)
In 2015, I wrote an article for Yogi Times on Sutra 1.20, which introduced me to sraddha. Instead of explaining the sutra to readers, I wrote a poem:
“Door to Freedom”
The Door has no other keeper
Other than the one knocking
Who has always had the key within
Yet never trusted that they knew how to use it
There are some who arrive to this door
With a sense of profound Faith
Trusting the magic to this life
Trusting the spaces that exists in between…inside…out
Through the allowance to be absorbed into this infinite dwelling
Trusting the learning that each experience cultivates,
Inner wisdom
is built from memory on the foundation of discernment
So many Desire this Door
For others, they find their way
Through fierce action and discerning intellect
The Desire for the Door to Freedom compels
Us to continue our walk
Listen, my friends,
The days of knocking are done
You will no longer need to knock
The door will always be open
You just need to walk through
Believe in this creation
Journey with vigor
Utilize your wisdom to guide others
Become absorbed into the now
And naturally embody Freedom
The experience of Freedom will only be enslaved
If I continue to describe it
Enjoy your journeys and
Be inspired to find another way to travel in this life
Sraddha translates to an unequivocal faith. It is steady and unwavering. When I am in sraddha, I have a gorgeous felt experience that holds me when nothing in this world can hold me. It guides me tenderly, and with kindness. This sraddha is a force that gives me space to experience and understand that I am a part of this world, and simultaneously, I am a part of other realms.
Sraddha was my guiding light throughout the years of writing Care of the Whole Self. I remember the days I would sit and write, seemingly without interruption. I was clear about what I wanted to say, and what needed to be said. However, as I went through multiple drafts, I was not attached to how it would be shared.
The process of writing invited me to the door of sraddha time and time again. I waited patiently as it all took shape.
In college, I spent a semester in Florence, Italy. I distinctly remember walking into the Accademia Gallery and being so struck by the unfinished sculptures of Michelangelo. Tears filled my eyes, as I could feel the agony that is inherent in the quest for freedom. I would gaze at the sculpture of Atlas and feel the heavy burden of the world on his shoulders. I could sense that it was too much to bear, and the stone itself was a metaphor for the prison from which he would never be released. Yet, somehow, this unfinished work was perfect. Michelangelo often spoke about his process of creating sculptures: The image was already present, and his purpose was to simply chisel out what wasn’t needed in order for the essence to be revealed.
Michelangelo’s Atlas Slave; image via Wikipedia
After two years of writing, I knew I needed an editor: someone who embodied what I would never be able to describe in words. I found her, and she helped me to chisel and sculpt my book—to mold the clay of my message until the essence shone through. Thank you, Nirmala Nataraj.
With Nirmala’s guidance, I completely rewrote some parts, added new observations, and excised the pieces that were not needed. I wrote and revised for countless more hours, all with a sense of sraddha, never remorse or regret for the words that would not make it into the final manuscript, or for the time I had toiled to create this ever-evolving book.
There are spaces in the book where readers will find drawings by myself, my father, and the talented designer Bita Ghavami, who graced the book with her creative flourishes. You will also stumble upon poems that I wrote, which separate sections of the book and give the readers moments for a delicious pause.
Why are these things there? Because there are aspects of life—clear existential experiences that we have all touched in some way and that have left their stamp on us—that cannot be contained in logical sentence structures filled with proper grammar and punctuation.
Somehow, in writing about whole self-care that encompasses all the dimensions of who we are, I knew that all the layers of me had to be present in the book. I trusted this knowing unequivocally. How could I truly communicate what I meant by “whole-self-care” if I was leaving behind the most important parts of my being? If I could not reveal and embody my whole self, what was the point?
The process of creative labor was painstaking, illuminating, and powerful. All in all, just as is required when bringing a human life into the world, I did not rush the process. As my creative team and I came to determine, July 2020 would be the moment of revelation and unveiling, when the book would be publicly shared.
I offer Care of the Whole Self to the world. Like any work of art, it is neither perfect nor finished. I deeply trust that this is how it needs to be. My only desire is that it uplifts you and invites you into a deeper relationship with yourself—all parts of you. May you be inspired to be a dedicated caretaker of yourself. May you make space to behold your true beauty and recognize the powerful responsibility you have in the care of your whole self.